English woman have a bad reputation down here (apparently). They sleep with anything that moves (apparently)…and it’s all we’re good for (apparently). And it’s all they want (apparently)…is to say they’ve slept with a field guide or a game ranger (apparently)! This does me no favours…what so ever, and hasn’t done for the last year! Not only must I try and shake off the reputation my fellow English women have created in this country (apparently)…. but also I must deal with the cultural issues between English and Afrikaans! Heaven for bid if you happen to fall in love with an Afrikaans boy, well your just asking for trouble, heartbreak and huge cultural issues (apparently)!
These men, Afrikaans men, particularly in the lowveld are proud, strong and are entirely different in the way they think, let alone how they treat their women, even by English South African male standards. Their women must be strong but feminine, not to independent but yet capable and able to do anything, go with them to fish, camp or hunt if need be. Above all and this is an important one, not give there opinion or answer back…. that’s the key, shut up, do as the man wants and be grateful! Oh and by the way… they have issues when it comes to women to…
I know I may seem to have painted a bleak picture…but I’m afraid it gets worst. Any poor women, like myself, who might even be considering getting into a relationship here, is faced with limited choices. Either sleep with a field guide and its true they are only good for one thing (so I’ve heard!). Or go for a game ranger (lets just call them the real bush men of the lowveld shall we). A bizarre creature who spends the majority of there time either in the bush, the pub, or sleeping around with women (usually overseas volunteers that are down here for a few weeks…that includes the rest of Europe, thank you!) because their first real Afrikaans girlfriend cheated on them, and all women after that are the same…don’t you know! If your really lucky you may meet one that’s so scared to get into a relationship that they‘ll push you away at the first sign of you having any feelings towards them, leaving you in an all together perplexed state of mind. And here’s the reason why…. Afrikaans men think there women must be perfect… beautiful, perfect body, blond or brunette it doesn’t matter, tall, the kinda girl you see in the magazines…need I go on…and I thought women had high expectations! Forget it, Afrikaans men can have a face like a bulldog licking piss and a body to match and they’ll still think there entitled to the most beautiful woman in the room…what I’m I saying…. They’ll think it’s their right!
People wonder why in the lowveld…actually I’ll rephrase that, men wonder why in the lowveld there are so many women in their twenties that are either having relationships with older guys (60 + and probably because by that age they’ve finally grown up) or are lesbians. Easy, the men round here need to grow up, get out the pub, stop thinking that there the only one’s that ever get hurt in relationships, learn to keep there dicks in their pants for longer than 5 minutes and most importantly realize that women aren’t perfect, because lets face it neither are they! Maybe they should start by being more open minded to the possibly that there are women out there that may not have the perfect body, or be the most beautiful woman in the room but they just might love them with all there heart for the rest of there life…
An Afrikaans guy said to me once about the difference between men and women. He told me women fall in love easily, far easier then men. When men finally fall in love it takes them far longer to get over than women. He also claimed that men have the ability to love a woman far more then a woman could ever love a man.
This did get me thinking and in many ways he’s absolutely right. I think women do fall in love with men more easily. The reason is a simple one…. she sleeps with him! Its to do with the hormones that are released during sex, it gives us women that warm fuzzy feeling and the amazing connection you experience with that person after sex, it can even make us cry. It’s the reason why women want to be held afterwards, even though the man’s already eyeing up the quickest escape route outta there. Men on the other hand releases testosterone, so it just makes them manlier, it takes them longer to feel emotional about the whole experience. I understand that.... but to say we don’t have the ability to love a man, if that was the case why do women stay in battered homes? I have the ability to love and if a man, Afrikaans or otherwise where they to just see through my defences, I’d be the most loyal, loving partner any man could wish for, all I need is a bit of nurturing…. Oh, but of course I’m not perfect (its a shock to me to), I don’t have the perfect body (I’m working on it), or face (nothing I can do about that one I’m afraid), I’m short (or that), I don’t speak Afrikaans (I’m trying!) and I’m English (and there’s bugger all I can do about that…but hey I was just born there…in my heart I’ve been South African since the day I stepped off the plane!). So basically my above answers are probably 95% of the women all over the world, in the end we are who we are!
So why am I making such a big fuss, ranting and raving pointlessly like a baboon you may well ask…it’s simple, with all the faults of Afrikaans men…. there men, real men, not this excuse for a metro-sexual, spineless man that the magazines have spoon fed us women into believing are the future (Any man who wears pink and takes longer to do there hair than me should be shot immediately!). It’s probably the reason why English women have gained such a reputation down here! For the first time in their lives they understand what it’s like to be in the presence of a real man. There is no doubt they are intoxicating, full of charm, charisma and a presence, which no English man could ever have (and believe me I know, I was married to an Englishman for 11 years, most guys down here have more charisma and charm in there little toe in comparison to what he had in is entire body). Mix this Bushmen with dangerous wild animals, beautiful African sunsets, a big rifle and you’ve got khaki fever…no women can resist them!
So I say screw women’s rights…I can still be a women, doing a man’s job, in a man’s world, earn respect and at the end of the day go home to a strong Afrikaans man who when he hold’s me, he makes me feel safe and protected…and most of all…. Makes me feel like a woman! Don’t get me wrong, I still have momentary lapses when I get jittery and slip back into my old ways…hmmmm…our Englishman sadly lacked the ability to look after themselves, so my generation, like those before, had no choice but to become hard, with a fuck you attitude, sticking two fingers up at the pathetic excuse of a man.
So another lesson I’ve learnt here as an Englishwoman, is that these men do know how to look after themselves, they don’t need to be controlled, told what to do, because after all their Afrikaans and as such are capable of making up there own mind. And most importantly I’ve learnt, they will look after you far more than any English man ever would! So here’s my dilemma, I’ve lived in this country for a year. The lowveld is my home and it will be for a long time to come, that I can be certain of, but I know that I’m caught between two worlds. I can ever go back to England, or be with an Englishman, this country’s changed me too much. But in the eyes of the Afrikaans men or any South African, I’m English, even if I feel less English day by day. So do I live in hope that a South African will accept me and love me regardless, in the same way, as I would accept him for who he is without question? In the end I’m sure it’s all about love, tolerance, compromise and understand anyway…. isn’t? I said at the beginning I’m still naïve about many things, yeah it’s true…love will conquer all, I truly believe that. I also believe I will find my soul mate one day (don’t we all)…. and while I wait, I am not alone, for I have had a lover for the past year! He wakes me every morning with the sounds of numerous birdcalls from his trees and at night makes sure there is no silence as I fall asleep, save me from getting lonely. This lover is special, he’s neither prejudice, nor cares where I’m from or what language I speak, or how many languages I don‘t. He loves me unconditional. All he asks is that I love and respect him and above all one day put back all that I have taken and learnt from him. This lover is the most beautiful thing on earth…the African lowveld.
Friday, 4 January 2008
My year in South Africa
I have never wanted a normal life! O.K yeah so define normal these days blah, blah, blah…you know the typical 2.4 kids, a house in a “nice” part of town, a steady unfulfilling job, husband and half an hour of unsatisfactory groping on a Saturday night after a few beers down the local kinda normal!
Even when I was a little girl I remember telling anyone who’d listen that I’d never get married (yeah OK I strayed a bit on that one for a while) and I’d never have children. I’ve also known for a long time now that I still have NO clue what the hell to do with my life, even at the ripe old age of 35 (although mentality I’m about 12…. and that’s on a good day!). I remember Billy Connelly once saying that the most interesting people are those that don’t know what they want out of life, well hey, that must have skipped by me, as really, quite honestly, most of the time I’m about as exciting and interesting to be around as a plate of cold pap…and lets face it, trying to be interesting takes effort and I think a level of comfort with the people that your surrounded by. Often in my case my “superficial friendships” are usually short. I have no one to blame but myself for this, I just could never stay in one place for more than 5 seconds! Although I’ve never questioned my life style, I always accepted it, even embraced it…when I felt I’d stuffed up, said something I shouldn’t and thought that somebody might not like me, I packed up and left, continuing on my journey to find my idea of utopia, I suppose the place where you can be yourself with no questions asked. I’ve lost count of the towns, cities and jungles I’ve hidden in, the new people I’ve met on the way who so effect my life without them even realizing. And yeah, it’s been working very nicely like that for the last 16 years…. so hey why change right?
I do know that along with this very un-normal life I wanted, I dreamed to make a difference in some way, although what way that is, I still have NOOO idea…. yeah, OK I kinda do. I always wanted to be the next Jane Goodall or Dian Fosse, these women inspired me to be strong and take no shit…from anyone. Great in theory, sadly in reality I am the biggest push over in existence! So this goal, one of many I have had and still do have in my life, comes down to three major obstacles…. Stupidity, laziness and love. Actually I should just write men for the third…in big bold letters…in fact bugger it, lets paint it on the side of Table Mountain in bright RED and be done!
I suppose on occasion I get momentary sparks of inspiration, although I fear most people would simply call this thinking… and that really covers the first two. Just to big myself up, yeah O.K, so I’ve got a degree and no I didn’t pay for it on the Internet! I worked hard for it…of course in the real world it kinda means jack shit. See since being in South Africa, in particular the lowveld, I’ve learnt a BIG life lesson…. experience is nothing…. knowledge is everything and an English woman knows NOTHING in comparison to the people who grew up or work here. I figure if I do nothing but study 8 hours a day for the rest of my natural life I may get to know a quarter of what they know…if I’m lucky! And in reality, let’s face it, I’m FAR too lazy to do that…pass me the DSTV remote!
Even when I was a little girl I remember telling anyone who’d listen that I’d never get married (yeah OK I strayed a bit on that one for a while) and I’d never have children. I’ve also known for a long time now that I still have NO clue what the hell to do with my life, even at the ripe old age of 35 (although mentality I’m about 12…. and that’s on a good day!). I remember Billy Connelly once saying that the most interesting people are those that don’t know what they want out of life, well hey, that must have skipped by me, as really, quite honestly, most of the time I’m about as exciting and interesting to be around as a plate of cold pap…and lets face it, trying to be interesting takes effort and I think a level of comfort with the people that your surrounded by. Often in my case my “superficial friendships” are usually short. I have no one to blame but myself for this, I just could never stay in one place for more than 5 seconds! Although I’ve never questioned my life style, I always accepted it, even embraced it…when I felt I’d stuffed up, said something I shouldn’t and thought that somebody might not like me, I packed up and left, continuing on my journey to find my idea of utopia, I suppose the place where you can be yourself with no questions asked. I’ve lost count of the towns, cities and jungles I’ve hidden in, the new people I’ve met on the way who so effect my life without them even realizing. And yeah, it’s been working very nicely like that for the last 16 years…. so hey why change right?
I do know that along with this very un-normal life I wanted, I dreamed to make a difference in some way, although what way that is, I still have NOOO idea…. yeah, OK I kinda do. I always wanted to be the next Jane Goodall or Dian Fosse, these women inspired me to be strong and take no shit…from anyone. Great in theory, sadly in reality I am the biggest push over in existence! So this goal, one of many I have had and still do have in my life, comes down to three major obstacles…. Stupidity, laziness and love. Actually I should just write men for the third…in big bold letters…in fact bugger it, lets paint it on the side of Table Mountain in bright RED and be done!
I suppose on occasion I get momentary sparks of inspiration, although I fear most people would simply call this thinking… and that really covers the first two. Just to big myself up, yeah O.K, so I’ve got a degree and no I didn’t pay for it on the Internet! I worked hard for it…of course in the real world it kinda means jack shit. See since being in South Africa, in particular the lowveld, I’ve learnt a BIG life lesson…. experience is nothing…. knowledge is everything and an English woman knows NOTHING in comparison to the people who grew up or work here. I figure if I do nothing but study 8 hours a day for the rest of my natural life I may get to know a quarter of what they know…if I’m lucky! And in reality, let’s face it, I’m FAR too lazy to do that…pass me the DSTV remote!
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